How to Fail

I recently came across a review for the book "How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide.  A novel by Aaron Golfarb, a native of Oklahoma City.  I have not read the book, nor is this an endorsement for it...but it gave me the idea to write down some commentary on some of the relationship fails, faulters, and other extreme crash & burn scenarios I have PERSONALLY encountered in my many years of successful dating failure.  Fair warning, no names are mentioned to protect the diginity of the guilty...even if I do have a blog nobody reads.



1.  (starting with the most recent)  How to fail: continue to watch movies on your ex-girlfriend's Netflix account

2.  How to fail:  on a FIRST date do not at dinner say: "I don't really like this place" after your date has already ordered then sit and creepily watch her eat.

3.  How to fail: do not admit that the reason you had to leave the table was to go to the bathroom and vomit because you were too nervous to eat with me

4.  How to fail:  if slumdog millionaire is sold out, do not take your date to see 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' despite her saying that's fine

5.  How to fail: show up at my front door in jorts and your five fingers when meeting friends for dinner

6.  How to fail: not show up to help me move, because you were sleeping in after a long night of video game playing... then have the nerve to pop over later and expect some lovin'

7. How to fail: poop your pants (no need to elaborate)